Hi! I’m Bianca. If you’ve landed on this page, chances are you’ve seen some of my art. I thought I might talk a little bit about what art means to me, and about why I make art, as well as what I’m looking forward to and hope to develop out of my passion.
The very first thing I can ever remember wanting to be is an artist. When I was 7 years old or so my mom (who is a wonderful seamstress) made a darling little smock for me that had a little paint palette appliqued on the pocket. At some point during that hazy, idyllic period of my childhood I also received an artist’s drawing kit. You know the kind. It came with pencils, both regular and colored, an eraser, probably a ruler, some paper, and an instruction book. I don’t actually remember how much I used it, but I do remember showing my dad something I had drawn at one point.
Over the years I have always been creative. I’ve explored lots of different kinds of crafts, as well as creative writing. But I think at some point I internalized the fallacy that you cannot make a living as an artist. The starving artist trope loomed large in my mind, and although I always wanted to do something creative, I also didn’t want to starve, and so I shoved those creative ambitions to the back of my mind.
After that I was adrift for a while. I didn’t know what I wanted to be or do, and I was envious of anyone who seemed to know exactly where they were headed. I half-heartedly went to college for a while. I didn’t finish. I worked in retail for a while and realized that I DEFINITELY didn’t want to do that for the rest of my life. So I went back to college and completed a business degree. Not because I was interested in business, but because a business degree is something to put on a resume to at least show I’d finished a degree.
I got married. I got additional training in an industry trade school and started a professional corporate job.
And I fell apart. Through a combination of some medicine messing with my brain chemistry, the death of a loved one, and a profound existential and spiritual crisis, I took a swan dive into a deep depression that lasted for years and that nearly killed me.
I pursued various avenues of healing, and over time I began to come alive again. And I started to make art.
I picked up some cheap markers and a moleskine notebook at first. I doodled. Simple things. Silly things. Sometimes I just wrote down lyrics to songs, but with lots of mixed colors. I also picked up a small watercolor kit and a pad of watercolor paper. And I just played. I wasn’t trying to do anything terribly serious. I was just expressing my creative energy for the first time in years.
Slowly, over time, I experimented with different styles and mediums. I played with art journaling for a while, and I will always cherish those journals for the way they fueled my creative passion before I was ready to commit to bigger or more expensive materials.
Around February of 2018 or so I started meditating. And I started to listen to my heart and I remembered that my oldest dream was to be an artist. I created a Tumblr first (which no longer exists) and then eventually an Instagram page, and I started to share my art. I bought my first canvases and some paints and decent brushes and I started to more seriously pursue my self education in art. I followed various artists on Instagram that I admired and tried to mimic their style. Not to steal or sell, but to learn. I made many mistakes, but I learned a lot.
Sometime in the last year I found a settled place in my mind where I could comfortably say that I AM an artist, and that I want to make art for a living. At least partly. I have some other ideas that I’m not ready to articulate that involve giving back and helping to heal people, but for now I’m working on building my art skills and getting my feet wet in the local arts community. In the reasonably near term I hope to make some of my art available for sale online.
I’m excited. It has been an incredible journey to go from a place of darkness and death to where I am today, profoundly healed and hopeful.
Thanks for visiting my site. I hope you’ll come back and watch me as I grow.
With deep love,